make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Two words: nipple clamps
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