You're completely useless in the revolution.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
