I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
