I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
