mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
