Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
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judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
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It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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