Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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