Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
