So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
