let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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