Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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