Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
