Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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