I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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