Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
