it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
