We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
