they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
