I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
