So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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