Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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