Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
