ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
