I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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