he was CRYING into my vagina
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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