can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize