I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
