ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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