I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
