it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
