I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize