the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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