Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
