Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
