new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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