I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
