dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
