I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
