If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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