Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
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How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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