I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
