I wannas sexs uuuuu
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
