I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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