Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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