Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
