So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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