Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize