Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
