You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is