fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position