im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.