proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have tasted many bathrooms