the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
