Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Randomize
