Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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