my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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