I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize