I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
