I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.