how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat