There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.