I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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