After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
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He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.