therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
