come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
